You shouldn't need that much memory for CB. My localhost has all of our products installed and filled with sample data. Even with all of that I have yet to surpass 60mb. This includes having Kunena, K2, and UddeIM extensions installed and running as well on top of Joomlas memory usage. Using a clean install to gauge usage CB needs about 20mb under full load and roughly 7mb under clean. This all of course is subjective to configuration and what else maybe installed.
My guess is you've a large amount of Joomla extensions installed contributing to the total memory usage. You may want to enable debug mode and maximum error reporting in Joomla global configuration and debug your site to see where you can improve performance. Notices, Warnings, and Errors can all cause your performance to drop significantly; just because they are not seen (error reporting suppressed) does not mean they're gone.
One other question, where do I switch off the requirement for captcha when a user updates an image? I looked through the AntiSpam plugin settings and couldn't find it.
CB AntiSpam captcha is just a field. Turn off its profile edit display and it won't require captcha on profile edit.
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